Getting Your Mojo Back – Let Your Fingers Do the Walking.

 

It is common for mums (new mums and mums who have done it all before) to experience decreased sexual desire. This might just be in the few months after birth, while you recover. Or you could still be lacking sexual drive as you pack the littlies off to school.

There are all number of reasons why doing anything between the sheets, except sleeping, is the last thing on your mind. Pain and fatigue post-childbirth, hormonal disturbances, sleep deprivation, stress, concern over your physical appearance, lack of support from your partner, can all impact on mood and sexual desire.

If you are experiencing some loss of libido, you might also be encountering feelings of guilt about not providing your partner the intimacy he desires. But it is important to reassure yourself that he loves you and will wait until you are ready. If he is putting pressure on you, you have to clearly communicate your need for space.

Then you can concentrate on you! Before you concern yourself with pleasing your partner, spend some time focussing on you. That’s right ladies...we’re talking self-pleasure. Now if that sentence made you feel a little uncomfortable then you probably need some assurance that masturbation is not any of the following: abnormal, dirty, perverted, selfish, silly or disgusting. In fact, tickling your own fancy is both an excellent way to get in touch with your body (and understand what stimulation arouses you) and relieve stress and tension at the same time. And simply put... it’s 100% normal and okay.

For some sexually uninspired mums, even the thought of getting intimate with oneself seems like a chore. It needn’t be. If you can find an hour to yourself (tricky I know!) then you can turn your self-exploration into a sensual and relaxing experience. Rather than a hurried (and most likely unsuccessful) attempt in your morning shower. Here are some tips:

Touch your body. As women we have taught ourselves to be afraid of, detached from or disliking of our figures. Now let’s not forget that your body just created an amazing, living, breathing life form. No matter what shape it is, for that reason alone, your body is beautiful. So enjoy your womanliness, run your hands and fingertips up and down your thighs, across your neck and ears. Massage your inner arms, breasts and buttocks. You might like to do this with a moisturiser or body oil, and don’t feel the need to hurry... this might be as far as you feel like going on your first attempt.

If you start to feel aroused (you’ve noticed some wetness or feeling of warmth) don’t be afraid to go with it. The next step might be to find a position that you feel comfortable in. Don’t feel the need to stick with the standard, lie- on-your-back-and-don’t-look-down number. You might want to try lying on your front and pushing your hips back and forth against the bed as you continue. Mixing it up can be the best way to get a better result... if you usually adopt a modest legs crossed style, open your thighs out – the liberation may be enough to tip you over!

For some, a change of location can increase arousal. A lot of sexgear.co.nz customers have asked for help choosing a waterproof toy because they like to indulge in self-pleasure in the bath. The feel of warm water flowing over the skin can feel very sensuous, and it’s easy to position yourself under the faucet or shower head while sitting down. Another popular spot, is in front of a mirror. Sexual arousal is strongly linked to visual stimulation and it can feel very empowering to indulge your voyeuristic tendencies by watching yourself get turned on.

Mind over matter. For women there is one erogenous zone that can be very hard to turn on. And that’s the brain. Women find it far harder than men to turn their minds off from the everyday stresses and just commit to sexual satisfaction. Fill your mind with your fantasies and pleasant memories and try as hard as you can to be in the moment. Don’t worry what anyone might think if they knew what you were doing, just enjoy the well-deserved orgasm.

Finally, there are some technique tips that can assist. Especially if you’ve been out of practice for a while. While you are most likely to orgasm from clitoral massage, don’t forget to venture inside. Wet your fingers either with saliva or lubricant (most post-partum women find a tingling lubricant helps enliven the senses) and enter your fingers inside yourself one-by-one. If you just don’t think you can do that with your hands, you could use a toy. Start with a non-vibrating dildo so you can just enjoy the feeling of fullness to begin with. As you find yourself approaching orgasm- breath, wait and then continue. Delaying the inevitable can make it even more enjoyable in the end.

And while it’s great to enjoy some solo satisfaction, masturbation also an excellent way to start getting intimate with your partner again. Invite your partner to watch you perform your new-found talents and then start to replace your hands with his.

Welcome back mojo!

Take Care,

Sarah from sexgear.co.nz

P.S. If there is any other topic you would like to see at ‘Sexy You’, just email info@sg.co.nz and I will do my best to write about it for you, here at mumsontop.co.nz

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